Friday, May 9, 2008

Help fight SPS!

JenniferMy friends, the fashionable young men of Sweden desperately need your help.

There is a terrible affliction striking Sweden. The effects are devastating, both to the victim and to the people who have to see him. And as the weather gets warmer, the plague gets worse. We noticed it first in Stockholm, in 2006. It was rare at the time, and so we hoped that it would burn itself out quickly. But our hopes were in vain. And now the plague has spread to Uppsala.

On any given day, hundreds of young men can be seen on the streets suffering from SPS, or Stockholm Pants Syndrome. The condition is characterized by extremely tight jeans, worn extremely low so that the rear waistband cuts directly across the widest circumference of the buttocks. The underwear of the victim is then plainly visible to those around him, some of whom, through no fault of their own, cannot tear their eyes away. Some victims suffer bravely, with a sense of humor, and wear colorful undergarments that give the viewer a fit of the giggles. Other victims, more hopeless, seem not to even be aware of their condition, and therefore display their tighty-whiteys to the world. In the picture above, you can see some of the milder cases. For the comfort of readers, we will not show pictures of advanced cases... but they exist. Oh, they exist.

That SPS is uncomfortable physically can be inferred from the observation that the victims, should they need to walk anywhere, continually hitch their pants up in front. That SPS is uncomfortable mentally can be inferred from the fact that victims also continually tug their shirts down in back, looking furtively about as they do so. Heaven help the poor sufferer who attempts to perform both adjustments simultaneously while crossing a cobblestone street in front of a bus!

Won't you please make a donation today, to help eradicate this dread condition? Please call with your pledge of support. Operators are standing by.

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